Krazy KT

26 years

I'm trying to take things one day at a time. Life's just so hard these days. I have so many questions that no one can answer. April 30th was my parents anniversary. They would have celebrated 26 years of marrige, and 31 together. It's unreal to think that one year ago to the day they were renewing their vowels. It was a surprise that my Father had put together, my Mom didn't have a clue. I told her we were going to dinner for their anniversary and she had to dress up. That's all she knew. The drive there she didn't ask too many questions until we got in Baltimore. We pulled into an alley in Baltimore and stopped. My Mom was so clueless. We got out of the car, opened the door, walked in and there was friends and family. I still remember my Mother's face, surprised doesn't begin to describe it. My Father then turned to her and pulled out the ring and asked her if she would marry him. She was overjoyed to say the least.

If you had told me a year ago my Father wouldn't be here today I never would have believed you. How could that be? He's only 52 years old, and just a few days after his anniversary (the day these photos were taken) he would be turning 53. I feel like a broken record having said this time and time again but it just feels like a horrible nightmare. Is my Father really gone? What did my family do to deserve this? Is it because we took him for granite or something? Were we too lucky to have a Father that truly loved us and wanted us to succeed at everything we did and would do anything for us to get to where we wanted to go? I just don't understand and don't think I ever will. All I know is that my life will never again be the same.

I am up and down all day long. I am so depressed and lost I can hardly function. My life is crumbling down right before me. Some days I do everything I possibly can to stay busy in order keep my mind off everything, and others I can hardly make myself get out of bed. I feel like so many people are just like get over it already, but how do I? I've always been a Daddy's girl but the real closeness that I had with my Dad started about 2 years ago, when my brother went away to school. I would have to say the last year though was really when I started to look at my Dad, not just as my Father, but a best friend. He wasn't really doing much with his construction company, he had cut back on his work load and made the decision that in January 2008 he would officially retire. Since I started the store my Father was there every step of the way and did everything in his power to help me succeed, as well as my mom. 

I have been struggling a lot lately with doing anything. I keep asking myself should I even continue with the store? I'm not happy and it's a struggle for me to even do anything with the store. I came to realize after talking with my Mom, that no matter what I do right now I'm not going to be happy because of the state of mind I'm in. The store does make me happy usually, and is what I want to do. It's what I have wanted more than anything and my Dad wanted nothing more then for me to succeed with it, so that's what I'm going to do. I am trying hard to get back on track and everyday is a struggle but I know I can do it. I've been working on plugging away at all those missing images in the store, which seems never ending. I've had several of my design team members step down for personal issues, but I'm trying to not let that get me down. I'm working with the remainder of the KTDT to plan an awesome reopening of the new store and site, as well as have a design team call. I think that in the end I will prevail and will come out on the top again. That being said, I'm going to work on bloggin more. I feel better when I do it, so I need to.

On a side note.. tomorrow is my Dad's Birthday. He would have been turning 54 years old. I'm going to go to the graveyard with my Mom, Will and Jeremy and go to Outback tomorrow for it. Outback was my Dad's favorite restaurant. So, Happy early Birthday Daddy!

One month and thirteen days ...

One month and thirteen days ... that's how long it's been. I can honestly say that everyday since my Dad's initial accident, has been in some way or another a struggle for me. The days after his passing though feel like such a blur. I just feel like I'm living this nightmare and just keep waiting to wake up. I have been doing pretty good with staying busy to keep my mind off things. Even though most of the time I find myself just wondering around, not knowing what I'm doing. I've been working on fixing the missing images in the store and tax stuff. Tomorrow I meet with my accountant. A little over a week ago I started feeling sick to my stomach, nauseas, weak and very tired. (Before you ask.. I'm not pregnant!) I guess things are finally starting to take a toll on me. I haven't been sleeping. I wake up constantly throughout the night and usually end up crying myself back to sleep. Today, I woke up coughing pretty bad. I've had somewhat of a cough the past couple days but today it was much worse. I feel horrible. I don't know what's going on, maybe it's stress, who knows. I have been pretty down, but still don't think everything has really hit me yet.

I spent hours yesterday listing stuff on ebay, so if your interested in some good deals be sure to check out my ebay auctions >>>>HERE<<<<

That's all I'm up for writing tonight. I will draw a name for the winner for the RAK tomorrow. I'll leave you with a picture of my Dad on one of his ride's with his best friend Nick. Nick came over a couple Sunday's ago to talk and shared a couple pictures of my Dad with me he had on his digital camera. I am so glad because I really love the pictures. I think this one really shows my Dad they way he is. He's always so goofy and just having a good time enjoying life.

SCRAP ROOM NIGHTMARE!!!.. and RAK!

I am so sorry! I thought I had this blog post set to be posted on the day after my last post. I just realized it never posted, so I'm doing it now. I'm extending the date that I said the RAK was going to be too since I'm just now posting this.

Last Monday I woke up and decided that it was time to tackle the scrap room! That was part of my getting ready for the sale process. I couldn't even really get in the scrap room because of the amount of stuff in there and I'm never going to use it all. It's a nightmare to try to scrap, so I decided it was time to get to it. My motivation... selling all the stuff at the scrapbook yard sale. I spent 2 days emptying it out for the most part so I could go through it and organize it in the room as I brought it back in. Thursday quickly came and went and I hadn't even made a dent in it, already had 2+ boxes full of stuff to get rid of and realized this was going to take a lot longer then a week to do! At that point I realized I need to get crackin on getting the stuff ready I was going to sell from the store. (On a side note.. I forgot to take the boxes of stuff from my stash that I wanted to sell.. go figure!) So as of Thursday this is what my scrap room looks like.... (Please excuse the yellowish photos.. I was a bit lazy with my camera settings.)

Pretty much all the stuff in there still needs to be gone through with the exception of this...

I did go through all of this stuff so this spots now empty... I also emptied off both peg boards which were full of stuff. I wish I would have taken pictures before, but it was way too embarrassing. The whole room looked like what this one little spot looks like. However, this is now a little sampling of what the rest of the basement looks like....

I LOVE to organize! I know it sure doesn't look like that by these pictures, but I do. I can honestly say each and everyone of my drawers in my scrap room is nicely organized. The reason being for all the stuff on the floor... I never have the time to put stuff away. SO instead of putting it somewhere it doesn't belong I put it on the floor and say I'll put it away later, when I can put it in it's correct spot. Well needless to say by doing so it's not long that the floor is then covered and the piles begin!

Anyway I want to know how your scrap room/spot is set up. I want to see your scrap rooms. I want to know and see how you organize your room, your embellishments, your ribbons, letter stickers, paper... ANYTHING!! Tell me how you organize your scrap stuff and link to your room in your comment and everyone that does so will be entered into a RAK! Anyone and everyone is welcome to do it. I promise it'll be good stuff!!! I get all kinds of stuff from companies and since I'm not using it someone should, plus having a store never seemed to stop me from buying tons of product I'll never use! So I will give you until the 21st to leave a comment in this post to be entered in it. So what are you waiting for??? Let me see how you organize your stuff! Oh and if you know of another scrappers space that is great share those with me too please! Thanks!!

God, grant me the serenity

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

I find myself saying the serenity prayer to myself over and over again throughout the day. The serenity prayer is something that my Father lived by daily. I can't help but look everywhere in this house and be reminded of the prayer and my Father. The past couple days have been really tough for me. Just those days where I just want to lay on the couch, curl up in a ball and cry. I thought to myself when I got up today, maybe I'll tell why my Father is such a special person on my blog. I had to make myself get on here, I really don't want to. I'm hoping that by forcing myself to do this I'll feel better, at least for today.

I know every Daddy's girl, thinks there Dad's special, but mine truly is, in more ways then one. He has helped hundreds of people that might not be here today, if it weren't for him. November of this past year, 2007, my Father celebrated fifteen years clean of drugs and alcohol. He is a member of NA, narcotics anonymous. Over 12 years ago my Father started "A Vision of Hope." What is a Vision of Hope you ask? It was and is my Father's vision to help other addicts. He has owned many but currently owns two recovery houses, these houses are a part of his vision of hope. A lot of recovery houses are just party houses, pretty much. Not my Dads. He has rules and was tough, but you know what? It works. Sure there's plenty of relapses but he has the best success rate for those that actually stay clean. I knew my Father has helped lots of people, but I had NO IDEA how many until all of this. It is amazing! The viewings were packed and when I got up to speak at his funeral and saw how far back the room went and how jam packed it was, it took my breathe away. I can't even begin to tell you all the people that came up to me and told me how my Father has changed their life and how he helped them overcome their vices. Some had 10 years clean, some only a month, but he had impacted their lives in one way or another. It was very obvious at his viewing and funeral that he was a power of example for many.

I'll tell you more later. That's all that I'll up for right now.

ETA: I keep getting emails about it and keep forgetting to post it so here's the information for anyone wanting to make a contribution. I am just copying and pasting from his obituary.

In lieu of flowers, contribution may be made to UMBF/Shock Trauma Center 100 N. Greene Street, Suite 600 Baltimore, MD 21201. In honor of William Szymanski.

Thank you all so much!

No Internet :-(

I just wanted to let you all know that I don't really have an Internet connection. The storm on Thursday, left us without power for over 14 hours and we do have power back now but Internet connection isn't really back up. I just got off the phone with Internet company and managed to hard wire my lap top to the router, but I'll have to call linksys later to fix the wireless connection. We are heading to a party at my Dad's friends for an early Easter dinner. I'm hoping that makes me feel a bit better. As soon as I get the Internet up I'm going to share the story about my Daddy I was talking about, so make sure you check back for that!

On a side note I'd still love to know any feedback anyone has about on-line scrapbook stores, you can read about it in my previous post. I will also post the information of where you can send contributions for my Dad when the Internet's back. I've received several emails asking about that. Also, I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am for those of you still continuing to send sympathy cards. Opening those up manages to put a smile on my face, even if just for a minute. If you still want to send one the info. is in the post below. Thank you all so much!

My Dad's Last Ride

First I need to say that I spent the past 3 hours writing a blog entry only to get ready to click save, but before I did Internet explorer went out. I can't even begin to tell you how mad I am. Mad that it happened & mad that I didn't save while doing it! Sigh... well what are ya going to do though.

I haven't written because, well I haven't felt like doing much of anything to be honest. I am not doing too good. I'm having a hard time getting off the couch. I just want to hear my Dad's voice. I just want him to walk in through the garage door. I just want him to yell at me because I'm wearing his shoes again when I take the dogs out, because I don't feel like finding mine. I haven't done anything since his funeral on Friday, except lay on the couch. I laid down stairs in the basement and watched home movies and cried. My Dad always loved watching home movies with me. He was always the one with the video camera so you don't see him much, but I don't care, just as long as I hear his voice. I had to promise my Mom that I wouldn't watch them anymore for awhile. She doesn't think it's a good idea right now since I just curl up on the couch and cry while watching them. I'm not one to usually break promises, but I'm having a hard time restraining myself from going back down there. I just want to hear his voice. I can honestly say that it hasn't even really hit me that he's gone. I keep crying so I know that I know it, but I still keep looking up every time someone comes through the garage door, hoping that it's him. It's like my mind knows he's gone, but my heart won't accept it. I know I'm in denial. There's not question about it. I know that eventually most people have to deal with their parents passing, but at 22 years old I didn't see it coming, AT ALL. I just can't get over the fact that it was a ladder that was the cause of all of this, A STUPID LADDER!!! He's been on a ladder thousand's of times, being a Carpenter. I just keep waiting for this HORRIBLE nightmare to be over. PLEASE, someone just wake me up. I just want my Daddy back!

On a side note, because I can no longer keep this to myself. You know what hurts me the most. The guys that work at the shop where he fell, that were suppose to be my Dad's friend. He was helping them out by trying to fix a ballast light when he fell. They NEVER once called, visited him in the hospital, attended either of the viewings or the funeral. I think that without a doubt is what hurts me the most about all of this. My Father knew the owner of the shop from his early biker days, way back when. And I don't want to hear he probably stayed away because that's what he was legally told to do. OK, that's enough for me, I need to be quiet now.

Enough about me being unable to accept the truth about all of this. I was blown away by the amount of people that attended my Father's viewings and Funeral. I know that my Dad has helped lots of people, but I had no idea how many until now. (I'll have to tell you later how & why my Dad's so special & how he's helped so many people in the past 15 years another time. It's a long story and it'll give me something to look forward to writing later. So you'll have to check back for that. It's an inspiring story if I don't say so myself!) There was well over 100 people that attended and my Father had over 20 bikes join him for his Last Ride. I have to say it's not something you see everyday. Every person we passed on the way to the grave yard stopped and watched as we went by. I know it truly was what my Father would have wanted. I was a mess the whole time, but did manage to pull it together at least long enough to get pictures of his last ride. I can't figure out why the album isn't showing up on my side bar, so for now you can see them HERE.

I can't thank you all enough for all your comments, emails and cards. My mom really has enjoyed the cards we've been receiving. If you wish to send a card the info is HERE. Also, you can view my Dad's guest book HERE. I'd love for you to share any stories you have about my Dad if you knew him. It's doesn't matter if it's one, two, or ten. Those stories are what's helping me get through the day.

I know that my Father wanted nothing more than me to get my store back up and running again after everything I've been through in the past year. I worked so hard, get to where I'm at now and my Dad was one of my biggest supporters. The store was in the middle of being redone and the site getting a new look when all of this happened. I just switched web companies, AGAIN right before I left for CHA after nightmare, after nightmare with the one I had. All I'm going to say is think Creative Imaginations as far as the sites new look! :-) My Father is my inspiration and always has been, as well as my Mother and I'm not going to let them down. I need to stay strong and get back on my feet. I'd love the take a moments to ask you for your help. I'd really like to know what you look for in an on line scrapbook store, as well as community. I know lots of people visit the site, but not as many join in on the message board and idea gallery. So tell me.. what makes you join in on an on-line community, as well as post on message boards and share your work in galleries? What would you like to see in an on-line store, gallery and message board? What makes you shop on-line at your favorite on-line store? I'd LOVE any and all input, PLEASE! I look forward to reading what you all like to see in a site.

I promise to blog again soon! As long as someone's reading I'll keep writing! :-) Especially if you don't mind hearing about my Dad. I know that one of the only ways to help with all of this is to keep talking about him! 

Funeral Arrangements

I can't believe the amount of people that have visited my blog during the past three weeks. I can not thank you all enough for all of your comments. I have read every single comment and will continue to. I hope that by sharing the past couple weeks with all of you, you treasure the little things in a life a little more. Make sure you take that extra minute to give the one you love a hug or kiss goodbye, even if you're already 15 minutes late. I had a lot more that I wanted to write but I'm not ready for that right now, maybe later. I had several people ask about having a spot where you could subscribe to my blog. On the right side of my blog there is a spot that says subscribe to this person's feed. Click on that and it will tell you what to do to sign up.

The funeral arrangements for my Father are as follows. The viewing will be held at Ruck's Funeral Home on Harford Rd. this Thursday, March 13th from 2-4 and 6-8PM. The funeral will be on Friday, March 14th at 11AM at Ruck's also. He will be buried at Parkwood Cemetery. My Father will be having one last ride to the Cemetery in a Harley Hearse. If you would like to join my Dad in his last ride you are more than welcome to, as many others will be riding their motorcycles as well. I don't know the details yet but, I know that my family is renting a hall for 2-3 hours after the funeral and we would love for you to join us. When I know more I'll be sure to post an update about it in this post. Tomorrow I have to take Jeremy and I shopping to get something for the funeral and viewing. My Father will be buried in one of his favorite Harley shirts, a pair of jeans & his Harley Boots. As well as a bandanna that his buddies just brought back for him last week when they went on a bike trip to Daytona. My Dad's casket will be onyx with silver trim, just like his bike and my Mom ordered white and orange flowers to represent the Harley Davidson colors. I know this is just how my father would want it.

I've received many emails about where to send cards. Please don't feel as though you have to, but if you wish to you can send them to:

KT's Family

2250 Fawn Haven Ct.

Eldersburg, MD 21784

Thank you all so much for your kind words, prayers, sharing your stories with me and helping me get through each day. I know it's going to be difficult for me and of course my Mother, brother and nephew. I am managing to keep it together for now, as this all seems like a horrible nightmare. I still keep thinking I'm just going to see my Daddy tomorrow. Even though I pretty much lost it in the hospital. I was the girl in the movies that falls to the floor when she hears that her Father has passed. I just sat with him, crying and saying no, not leaving his side until they had to take his body away. When they told me that they had to take him I lost it. Crying hysterically, yelling "No, No No. Daddy wake up. he's going to wake up. NO, NO, NO!" I had to be carried out of the room and the walk outside felt like an eternity. I can only imagine what the rest of this week will be like.    

I also wanted to take a moment to thank Danelle for posting about my Father on her blog. I can't even begin to tell you how over joyed I was when I received an email from her telling me to make sure I read her blog. Thank you SO MUCH Danelle! You can read her first post about him HERE and her follow ups HERE, and HERE. Thank you all so much!

My Dad

I don't know how to say it or where to begin. Today we had a meeting with all 3 teams that were working on my father. We were pretty much told that we needed to make a choice about what to do. He had suffered from several strokes in his brain and things did not look good. He had not been responsive since the day we had our last meeting. We needed to make the decision of if he would want to live the rest of his life in that bed. My mother said that she didn't want to have to make that decision, especially right now. She wanted to wait and see if things got better. We left the room crying hysterically.

We had all gone down stairs and sat outside and cried. I said I want to go be with my Dad alone for a bit while everyone was outside. When I got into critical care and turned the corner there was 20-30 doctors and nurses standing out side his room. I heard "Here is his daughter." At that point one of the nurses said to me that I needed to come sit down and his heart rate was dropping. No one would tell me what was going on, other than that. I had to wait for them to find my Mother before they said anything. I must have been sitting in that room for at least 30 minutes. It felt like an eternity. Once my mom walked in the room with my brother, a doctor came in to tell us.... My father had passed. NOTHING could have prepared any of us for that. I think that was my Father's way of not having to make us choose what to do. Within 10 minutes, of us leaving the meeting his heart rate started dropping. They did everything they could and even tried reviving him. I just keep telling myself that was his way of him not making us have to make that decision for him.

I can't write anymore right now.. I wish I could so I'll just leave with with some pictures of my Daddy. PLEASE just keep my family in your prayers. Thank you.

The MRI results.. from Katie's Mom

 For those of you that don’t believe in miracles, maybe what I’m about to tell you will change your mind, as I truly believe that I witnessed a miracle right before my eyes.  As many of you already know, Wednesday was the big day.  We were going to find out the results of the MRI.  The results were going to be the definitive answers that we have been waiting for.  Although there were several CAT scans taken, I was told that procedure had only given them a “pencil drawing” of what was going on.  The actual MRI would be a 3-D snapshot of what was actually happening.  My husband had his MRI taken on Tuesday evening at 5:30. We were told that we would not know the outcome until the neurosurgeon reviewed the results on Wednesday morning.  They would then arrange a meeting with the family & doctor when we arrived to visit my husband.  I told my kids that we would get up early the next day so that we could be there at 12:00 when visiting began to hear the results.  Well I will tell you that I woke that morning at 5:30 a.m.  I stayed up for several hours and then decided I would try to relax a bit before we had to leave.  As it got closer to 12:00, this feeling of dread began to come over me.  In my mind I was prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. 

You see over the last 13 days I have tried to stay positive and stay strong for my children.  But at the same time I was getting the impression that they already knew what was going on but they just needed the MRI for confirmation.  At one point one of the nurses told me that she thought we were not being realistic about the severity of my husband’s injuries.  She remarked that she felt I really needed to have a conversation with my son.  I told her that since this was her first interaction with my family that she had no right to assume that she knew how we were accepting his progress or lack of.  I told her that although we may not be in his room hysterically crying over his bedside, that this was by no means an indication that we were not aware that he may not survive or the outcome could possibly be that he is in a vegetative state for the rest of his life.  She continued to try to convince me that I really needed to corner the surgeon and ask him what he thought was going on.  I told her that I felt the reason he hadn’t had that conversation with me is because basically he has no definitive answers to provide.  She then proceeded to tell me that they already have a pretty good idea what the outcome will be but they are waiting to confirm with the MRI.  I told her that until they could give me definite answers, I was not willing to accept an educated guess.  I explained to her that early on the optomogist had conducted a sonogram and told me that there was severe damage to my husband’s eyes.  At this point this was secondary to his head injury and they would worry more about this at a later time.  Well when the nurse on the next shift came on duty he asked me as they routinely do…”What do you know at this point and do you have any questions”?  I proceeded to tell him what the doctor had told me about my husband’s eyes, and he shook his head to agree and then proceeded to tell me that my husband was blind.  At that point I was in shock and said to the nurse well he never told me that.  But the nurse indicated that by the doctor’s notes on the chart that was their concern.  I will tell you that at that point I began to feel hopeless and I could tell that I was starting to lose my positive outlook that had given me the strength to get up each day and function.  Two days later my husband had an emergency craniotomy, after the surgery the optomogist returned and did a second sonogram.  He told me that he was happy to say that Bill’s eyes were not anywhere near as bad as he had originally thought, what first appeared to be ruptured retinas was nothing more that some signs of hemorrhaging that could be corrected with surgery. At that point I made the decision that in the best interest of myself, my family and friends that I would only accept definitive answers.  Anything less an “educated guess”.  While I was not in denial of what the outcome could bring, I was not willing to let my mind go there.  I refused to entertain any negative thoughts without having more than an answer that was based on their experience with previous head injuries.  Later that day after shift change, I asked the nurse on duty to please give me some sign of hope.  He told me that while I should never give up hope, I should also be realistic with what the outcome will probably be.  He continued to tell me although they do not have a definitive answer until the MRI is conducted, that the basic response testing they had been doing on my husband was a pretty good indication of what to expect.  I told him I was prepared for the worst and hoping for the best.

So keep in mind as I mentioned earlier I was beginning to lose all sense of hope.  As I lay in my bed watching as 12:00 p.m. came and went, I felt myself losing all hope.  I was not willing to hear the definitive answers that I had so patiently awaited.  As I continued to lie in my bed I realized that whether I went to the hospital at 12:00 or 3:00 it was not going to change the outcome. . 

As I arrived at the hospital I went to the nurse’s station and told her that I was here for the meeting with Bill’s doctor.  She told me that she would call him and he would be up shortly.  I told her that I was going to the lobby to meet my son and we would be back in a few minutes.  When I returned she informed that he would meet with my family in approximately 30 minutes.  My kids decided to walk to the cafeteria and get a drink before he arrived.  I walked back to my husband’s room and was greeted with the nurse who proceeded to tell me that she just experienced some very positive responses from some testing that she was in the process of conducting.  Within 15 minutes the surgeon arrived and told me that he was ready to meet with me.  At that point the nurse spoke up and said to the doctor before you meet with her I need to speak with you.  As I waited in the conference room for my kids the doctor appeared and I told him that my children would be here momentarily.  He said that he would like to speak with me alone at first. As he proceeded to shut the door I was beginning to panic.  I mean I had almost convinced myself that he was about to tell me that my husband was in a vegetative state and that his quality of life was going to be very limited.  To my surprise he began to say that the conversation he was originally prepared to have with me had changed.  He said that although his MRI was really not as bad as he thought.  He was actually amazed at the damage he saw vs. the head injury my husband had sustained.  He went on to tell me that although the MRI was not that bad, that he had been very concerned with Bill’s lack of response to the basic tests they had performed.  Until an hour ago he was concerned that my husband may not ever come out of his coma and that he may be on a vent for the duration of his life.  At that point my kids entered the room and I could tell that they were also expecting to hear the worst.  He proceeded to tell us that in just less than 30 minutes my husband was beginning to respond to some testing the nurse was doing as I waited in the lobby for my children.  She twisted his toes and he had actually opened his eyes.  He tried to resist by pulling his left leg away.  He moved his left shoulder and he moved his right thumb.  He was breathing well above the vent consistently.  As I held my children’s hands and cried I told him that I was so very happy.  That I really expected him to tell me that my husband was not going to make it.  He proceeded to tell me that while my husband still has a lot of severe bruising, his brain stem is fully functioning; his receptors do not appear to be damaged or sheared.  The tubes that flow to his brain are all still connected and pumping the blood to his brain without any problems. Everything seems to be intact.  His main concern before his update from the nurse was the lack of response with the very basic testing.  Although everything seemed pretty good on the MRI, that earlier he had feared that my husband may not ever wake up.  He went on to explain that every head injury is different.  He has seen people with a slight bump on the head not make it and people like my husband wake up like nothing ever happened.  He could tell by my reaction that I was so excited and he immediately reminded me that Bill was still very critical.  He did not want to give me false hope.  This may be the only progress that we see.  He continued to tell me that he did not want to dig a hole for himself.  It was still too early to tell what will be my husband’s prognosis.  I told him that I understand this, but I was expecting to hear something horrid and he just gave me a small glimmer of hope I needed to stay positive.  He did ask me if I had a living will and reminded me that this may be as good as it gets.  I assured him that I came in here expecting the worst and hoping for the best and he gave me something in between.    As I glanced at my children I noticed that they did not comprehend what had just transpired.  I squeezed both their hands and said this is good news kids, with no response from either of them.  The doctor actually asked me if my daughter (Katie) was always this serious.  He asked if we had any questions and still no response from my kids.  He told me that we would meet back here in a week to discuss the progress.  He said that medically they have done all that they can do and the rest is up to my husband.  He ended our conversation with “At this point I am very optimistic” and smiled. 

As we left the room I proceeded to question my children about their lack of response, it was at that point Katie told me that from the time she walked in the room she didn’t hear one word he was saying.  My son on the other hand said that he was expecting more.  He said that he didn’t understand why the doctor was asking about a living will and decisions we needed to make if his quality of life was limited.  I truly believe that both of my kids were in shock and had shut down the moment the meeting began.  I then walked to an empty waiting room and basically went over everything that was discussed.  I explained to my son that the doctor must give us both ends of the spectrum.  He does not want to give us false hope because, things change on an hourly basis.  He could get an infection; he may never awake from his coma, etc.  But what we need to focus on is the fact that his brain is still functioning.  There are no areas that have started to die off.  After I explained everything to them again, I started to see the delayed response I was hoping for.  I reiterated the fact that this will be a roller coaster of emotions for a very long time, but as a family I know that we are strong enough to survive whatever god decides.

I have come to realize that there are a lot of positive lessons to be learned from this tragedy no matter what the outcome may bring.  I also know that miracles do happen and I have come to understand what “in god’s time” truly means.

I would like to take this opportunity to say thanks to everyone who has continued to support us with their prayers, their well wishes and the outpour of concern and love we have felt through all of this.  I can not express the overwhelming feeling and inspiration you all have provided us.  You all have touched us in a way that has left us speechless.  Thank you all so much.  And please continue to keep us in your prayers and thoughts!  I truly am a believer in the power of pray!!!

Love,

Donna

Waiting for the MRI...

It's 2 AM and I can't sleep. I am scared to say the least. My father didn't get to go into get his MRI until 5:30 PM. We won't have the results until tomorrow.. well I guess technically today. What scares me so much is that it seems like the nurses already know what the outcome is going to be. We just keep hearing, "The doctors pretty much know, but they just need the MRI to verify it." My mother said she didn't want to talk to the doctors about things until they had the MRI. They can have all of the "educated" guesses they want but they aren't always right. Why get us all worked up (not that we aren't already) when they don't know for sure. I mean the doctors said they still can't believe that he survived the fall & it's one of the worst injuries he's seen where the patient was still alive. It is truly a miracle that one of the fragments of his skull didn't puncture the main vein in his head and bleed out on the spot when he fell. They said he was blind within 2 or 3 days of him being in there, and now they say he's not. He does have serve trauma to his eyes but he's not blind. They found it's not as bad as they thought once they checked his eyes out again after his surgery. His MRI went good though. They didn't have to use any pain medicine to get his cranial pressures down at all, which did go up to 30 while he was in there. We were told that wasn't too bad, and the number dropped to around 13, once he got back to his bed and was sat up.

I want to know so badly what the MRI will show, but at the same time I'm terrified. It's horrible not knowing and just waiting, but at the same time what if the outcome isn't what I'm hoping for? I'm prepared for the worst, but hoping for the best. Whatever that really means. The truth is how can one really prepare for the worst? I can honestly say that my world would crash down before me if they told me the worst about my Dad. But I'm not even going to think about that because my father is a fighter! Anyone that knows him can tell you that. He always thought he was an exception to the rules, I'm hoping that he's been right all along!

On the up side of things my father coughed last night. I have done pretty good trying now to loose it in his room. But I did and just kept crying and saying "Daddy, Wake UP!" After about 10 mins. he started to cough. I jumped back and my mom called for the nurse but by that time all the bells and whistles were going off in there. The nurse suctioned him but he did it 2 more times and there wasn't anything to suction up really after the first time. My mom said that she thinks he heard me crying. I have to tell you I cried and smiles the whole way home. If that even makes sense.

I am really tired but just can not sleep. The last thing I should do is probably blog since I can hardly type or read right now. I wanted to make sure I updated everyone though. I can't begin to tell you how much your prayers and thoughts mean and stories. Oh, and a special thank to poster that commented about the ABC reporter that was in that accident in Iraq. I was telling my mom about the comment left and she said "Oh my gosh! I have that book and forgot all about it." She started to read it at one time and never got back to it. Guess what she read while we waited for my dad to get done with his MRI? That book! She's going to take it with her tomorrow too, and everyday until she finishes it. I promise to try to blog tomorrow (Wed.) when we find something out. If I don't, you can always check the sites message board. The girls have been updating on there when they talk to me also. I think they've been posting the updates on the Scrap Happy board or NSBR board.

I'll leave you with these pictures of my Daddy! He painted my new warehouse spot my logo colors. Two of the walls are actually pink and two are purple. He had the colors matched at Home Depot. He was in there painting before the contract was even finalized! That's my Dad! Oh and the last one is of him and Brandon when they figured out an "easier" way to move my paper racks with paper on them from the addition to my new warehouse!