Dad's Guest book..

I finally wrote in my Dad's guest book HERE. I wanted to post it on my blog too though..

Three and a half months it's been.. I still feel like it's not real. I try so hard to move forward, but I can't. I still wait for him.. I could never express the pain I truly feel of not having my Father here with me today. It's just not fair. I will never have my Father walk me down the isle on my wedding day or have my dance with him to butterfly kisses. He will never get to hold my child one day .. he will never get to walk through the garage door and say "I love you baby girl." I will never understand why this has happended and certainly will never understand it.

All I keep hearing from everyone is it will get easier with time. Well I'm finding everyday harder then the one before most of the time. The past couple months have just been one first after another without him .. Easter.. my parents anniversary April 30.. My Dad's birthday May 5.. My Moms birthday May 17.. Jeremys Birthday May 18.. Mothers day.. Fathers Day.. It's just not fare.

I have come to this guest book to write at least 20 times but can never bring myself to do it. I guess I just don't want to admit it's real. I guess I figured if I wrote here it would be official.. he would really be gone. No matter what though the loss of my Daddy at this point in my life will never seem real. It can't be right?

I saw him just 20 mins. before we got the call .. he said i'm goin up to the shop for a bit and I'll be back. I gave him a hug and a kiss.. said "bye .. I love you.. be careful." I haven't been able to hug him or give him a kiss or tell him I love him since..........

I just want my Daddy back.

Comments

[Andrea Amu]

Ohhh girl, I know... this isn't easy, is it! It just sucks, no other way to describe it. I miss my dad and my babies soooo intensly every single day and I would give anything to have them all back with me! I know it's hard to not be mad at God and to keep faith, but we need to hold onto what we have in our lives now, no matter how hard it maybe for us to do! ((HUGS))!

[{{ the divine miss jEn }}]

hi katie. sorry you are still having hard times. i know everyone always says it gets easier..but i unfortunately disagree. my dad has been gone since 2004 & it still hurts just as much & as deeply as it did then. i had a friend who lost her mom later that same yr & she was telling me how she didnt know what to say to me etc...and when she lost her mom, she just understood & said it was always hard. i guess some people can learn to live w/ that pain...i know i'm not 1 of those...so maybe that is the day that my life changed forever & i have to accept that. anyway...i understand how you feel. i STILL never want to sleep...because i am sooo tired of waking up & being disoriented & thinking everything is the way it was, only to remember my dad is gone. or to have dreams of him...which are wonderful...but so very painful too. its no fun to cry in your sleep or wake up like that. so hang in there...i think we are just those unlucky few who will never be able to move beyond that loss...we just have to live w/ it but there is a piece of happiness that can never be regained.

as always, you guys are in my thoughts & prayers 24/7. take care & email if you need to chat. xxoo

jen