I'm trying to take things one day at a time. Life's just so hard these days. I have so many questions that no one can answer. April 30th was my parents anniversary. They would have celebrated 26 years of marrige, and 31 together. It's unreal to think that one year ago to the day they were renewing their vowels. It was a surprise that my Father had put together, my Mom didn't have a clue. I told her we were going to dinner for their anniversary and she had to dress up. That's all she knew. The drive there she didn't ask too many questions until we got in Baltimore. We pulled into an alley in Baltimore and stopped. My Mom was so clueless. We got out of the car, opened the door, walked in and there was friends and family. I still remember my Mother's face, surprised doesn't begin to describe it. My Father then turned to her and pulled out the ring and asked her if she would marry him. She was overjoyed to say the least. 
If you had told me a year ago my Father wouldn't be here today I never would have believed you. How could that be? He's only 52 years old, and just a few days after his anniversary (the day these photos were taken) he would be turning 53. I feel like a broken record having said this time and time again but it just feels like a horrible nightmare. Is my Father really gone? What did my family do to deserve this? Is it because we took him for granite or something? Were we too lucky to have a Father that truly loved us and wanted us to succeed at everything we did and would do anything for us to get to where we wanted to go? I just don't understand and don't think I ever will. All I know is that my life will never again be the same.
I am up and down all day long. I am so depressed and lost I can hardly function. My life is crumbling down right before me. Some days I do everything I possibly can to stay busy in order keep my mind off everything, and others I can hardly make myself get out of bed. I feel like so many people are just like get over it already, but how do I? I've always been a Daddy's girl but the real closeness that I had with my Dad started about 2 years ago, when my brother went away to school. I would have to say the last year though was really when I started to look at my Dad, not just as my Father, but a best friend. He wasn't really doing much with his construction company, he had cut back on his work load and made the decision that in January 2008 he would officially retire. Since I started the store my Father was there every step of the way and did everything in his power to help me succeed, as well as my mom.
I have been struggling a lot lately with doing anything. I keep asking myself should I even continue with the store? I'm not happy and it's a struggle for me to even do anything with the store. I came to realize after talking with my Mom, that no matter what I do right now I'm not going to be happy because of the state of mind I'm in. The store does make me happy usually, and is what I want to do. It's what I have wanted more than anything and my Dad wanted nothing more then for me to succeed with it, so that's what I'm going to do. I am trying hard to get back on track and everyday is a struggle but I know I can do it. I've been working on plugging away at all those missing images in the store, which seems never ending. I've had several of my design team members step down for personal issues, but I'm trying to not let that get me down. I'm working with the remainder of the KTDT to plan an awesome reopening of the new store and site, as well as have a design team call. I think that in the end I will prevail and will come out on the top again. That being said, I'm going to work on bloggin more. I feel better when I do it, so I need to.
On a side note.. tomorrow is my Dad's Birthday. He would have been turning 54 years old. I'm going to go to the graveyard with my Mom, Will and Jeremy and go to Outback tomorrow for it. Outback was my Dad's favorite restaurant. So, Happy early Birthday Daddy!
