LONG overdue on bloggin!! I'm sorry that it's taken me so long! I know, I'm a week past when I said I'd draw a winner for the Creative Imaginations RAK. It's been tough for me the past 2 weeks. I haven't been doing too good. I'm up and down all day long. I spent all last week busting my butt getting everything in order for the scrapbook sale, with the exception of the day or two I spent not doing much of anything but laying on the couch. As hard as I tried to get going .. I just couldn't. I hadn't been the the store since my Dad had his accident and it wasn't something I was looking forward to doing. I went there twice and attempted to go in but once I unlocked and opened the door, and looked in I was flooded with tears and quickly got back in my car and left. There's not one thing in there that doesn't remind me of my Father. I ended up just going to the store and grabbing boxes of stuff quickly for the sale on Thursday, not even knowing what was in some of them to take home to price. I was cramming the boxes in the back of the truck. I had one left that I was trying to get in there but there was something tossed in the back of the truck and I couldn't get it to move. I know this is going to sound insane, but I'm going to say it anyway. I was getting ready to really loose it. I was already already crying and starting to have a panic attack because I just wanted to get out of there. I gave the box one last push and nothing I put my arms down to my side and turned around to lean against the tailgate of the truck and there was my Dad. He smiled at me leaned over me and pushed in the box, as I watched him. He stepped back when he was done. I looked at him and looked at the box and looked back at him and he was gone. I can't even begin to tell you the chills that ran down my body. The hair on arms popped right up, along with goosebumps and this rush of emotion. I slammed the tail gate closed and the cap lid, turned around and closed the store door, locked it and jumped in the truck. I still get chills just thinking of it.
Monday, of last week I was laying on the couch, just curled up with a blanket staring at the TV, it wasn't on. I seem to be spending a lot of my time doing that these days. I heard someone walking up the garage steps in what sounded like my Dad's Harley Davidson biker boots and open the door to the laundry room. I thought that can't be possible, he was buried in those boots. Then they grabbed the handle to the door that leads in the kitchen. I was wondering who that could be since my mom was upstairs, Jeremy was at school and Will wasn't home. I had popped my head up a bit to see who it was, as I heard the door open. As it slowly crept open and I glanced over to see who it was, I could see a man walking in through the door. I quickly sat up in complete amazement as my heart skipped a beat. It was my Dad. He walked right through the door, past the bench in the kitchen. I just stared at the floor not knowing what to do or say. I could hear him walking across the hardwood floor with him boots on and open up the bathroom door. The thing that my Mom has hanging on the bathroom door made the clank sound that it always does when someone closes the door and it hits. I sat on the corner of the couch in the fetal position not taking my eyes off the spot between the painting hanging on the wall and the bench below it right next to the door to the laundry room. I didn't know what to say or do, as I felt like my heart had stopped. I managed to get up off the couch and said "Dad?" in a somewhat hopeful voice, as I stepped onto the hardwood floor. I started to have this rush run through me, almost like I was having a panic attack. I walked to the bathroom door, knocked on it lightly and no one responded. It felt like an eternity I was standing there waiting. I slowly grabbed the door knob and turned it, pulling it open. No one was there. My heart sank. I don't know why I was so heartbroken when I opened the door to find no one there. What I was expecting? For my Father to be on the other side I suppose. I sat back on the couch just staring, waiting. I couldn't have been loosing my mind, could I? It felt so real. It was just like my Dad to always come walking through the door with his riding boots on, and my Mom yelling at him to take them off (We don't wear shoes in the house). He'd say "I'm just going from here to the bathroom real quick!" He always thought he was an exception to the rules.
Now that I'm sure you all think I'm insane... The sale went good on Sunday, even though I was up at 5 and got a whole 3 hours of sleep the night before, if that. I had several moments where I just wanted to burst out crying. I quickly said I've got to go to the bathroom and managed to pull myself together. I felt like my Dad was there with me, cheering me on. Thanks so much to Tracy, Meg and Brandon for working the sale and being sooo AWESOME!!! After I subtract the $80 I spent in tubs that I bought to put the stuff in and the $112 for the pricing gun and labels .. I made enough to pay my rent, both electric bills, credit card processing monthly fees, postage scale rental and phone bill!!! WHOOO HOO!! So do I have anything left after all that?!?.. uhhh no.. but at least I made enough to pay my bills this month! Jocelyn, one of the site members even made the drive to check it out! It was so awesome to meet her in person!! Thanks for coming out Jocelyn!! And I almost forgot.. Brandon was such a good sport! The girls were teasing him because he didn't have any Scrap Happy KT gear on, so Tracy gave him her jacket to wear! Which reminds me I have to get him and me one of the black Scrap Happy KT shirts. I'm so jealous all the girls have one and I don't!
Now for what you've been waiting for! The winner of the Creative Imaginations RAK! Oh and before I forget check back tomorrow because I'm doing another RAK! I think I'll be doing a lot of them because, well I love giving stuff away! I've already written the post for the RAK I'm posting tomorrow so make sure you check back then!! ....................................... You've waited long enough for the winner to be announced. I want to thank you all so much for all the input you gave me. I couldn't just have one winner.. so I picked two! Who are the TWO lucky ladies you say?!? .......... Congratulations to......
Amanda Mac and Amy W.
Please email me at [email protected] with CI RAK winner in the title and send me your addy so I can get your goodies out to you!! I'll be doing plenty of RAK's so make sure you keep checking back!!!
B looks hott in pink!!!
Posted by: mandy starner | April 07, 2008 at 08:45 PM
Wow, I'm getting chills just reading your post. I don't know how I'd feel if I were you. Happy maybe? How do these visions make you feel? I'm sure you're still in somewhat of a shock, but do you perhaps feel comforted at all? Maybe he's trying to let you know he's okay. Have you talked to anyone about this?
Posted by: Tracey | April 07, 2008 at 10:57 PM
I don't think you're crazy, I think you're being comforted from beyond because you need it. I think he's saying he's still around and taking care of you...just my thoughts. I don't think I've been here to your blog before, but I wanted you to know that your loss touched me. I had to, as in had to know, what happened to your dad...cuz I saw the motorcycles and bout sent myself into a full blown panic attack. I was in a motorcycle accident last september and while the broken bone is pretty much healed (although I'm still limping and having pain) I'm not sure I'll ever get over emotional impact my accident had on my life. So many things, but all that to say this - I'm so sorry about your dad...so so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Laura | April 08, 2008 at 01:23 AM
hey girl, you are not crazy. just missing your dad! you've got anxiety and probably some ptsd going on. it's okay. you'll be okay. i love ya and i was so glad to help you on sunday! B looks so good in my jacket and yay for him taking pictures of us in action, woot woot!!!
Posted by: trace-e | April 08, 2008 at 04:53 AM
I know you aren't crazy...that's part of the healing process. Your Dad is still there with you and always will be.
Glad the sale went so well and Congrats to Amanda and Amy!!
Posted by: KimM | April 08, 2008 at 06:15 AM
Kt you are not crazy. My mom still has things of Ross happen. She will tell someone she misses him and then she will smell his cologne. This has happened twice. He has been gone almost a year!!! I think it is totally normal. We love you Katie Bug!!!
Posted by: Annie | April 08, 2008 at 07:09 AM
Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! Whatever wil be, will be. Hope you continue to heal. You and your family are still in our prayers. My six year old son prays every night and his first grade class prays for you in chapel praye request. Be good to, you.
Posted by: Brooke | April 08, 2008 at 07:34 AM
not crazy at all. that my sweet friend is your dad, his spirit is never far away and this is his way to show you that he is still there for you and still supports you. You have to consider yourself very lucky to have experienced this because not many people are able to see the spirit , just smell them or other things. cherish them and know he is never far away, maybe it will help you to get through your mourning.
love corinnexxx
Posted by: corinne delis | April 08, 2008 at 11:20 AM
I was getting worried about you! I had not seen you posting! I do not think you are crazy! I totally believe in that stuff! He will always be there for you and help you when you need that little push! Try to stay strong and I am still praying for you!!
Posted by: Alicia Sharp | April 08, 2008 at 01:09 PM
Wow, that is so cool!! Corinne is right, few people are lucky enough to have such a vivid visitation, treasure it! Your dad is trying to help you get through this, and he did exactly what you had been wanting him to do - walk through the door for you to see him one more time. Stay strong!!
Posted by: Meg Feroli | April 08, 2008 at 02:30 PM
You're not crazy.......
You are still in my thoughts and prayers, not a day goes by that I don't think of you and your dad
Posted by: Bobbi in KY | April 08, 2008 at 06:40 PM
Girl.... you are such a sweetie! Things will get better over time. You will never stop missing your father, he is still with you.
I hope you made a TON of moola at your sale.
Smiles,
Wendy
Posted by: Wendy Reed | April 08, 2008 at 09:29 PM
4 years ago, when I lost my mom, a similiar thing happened. Its not something you ever "get over". He is always with you and that thought is what gets me through the days on those rough ones.
I"m glad to read your sale went well.Wish I lived closer!
Take care,
Kim Faucher
Posted by: Kim FAucher | April 09, 2008 at 07:04 AM
Katie, I truly believe he is watching out for you. He wants you to know he's okay and you need to get off the couch. My prayers are with you.
Posted by: Linda | April 09, 2008 at 10:55 AM
In my previous post, I didn't mean to "get off the couch" in a mean way. I know it is hard. Your dad must love you so very much to reassure you. If I could, I would give you a hug!!
Posted by: Linda | April 09, 2008 at 11:01 AM
I think the Jacket is AWESOME and
the sale on sunday was something
a man needs to experience every once and a while. This is the first time posting a comment I hope you get this I love you
Posted by: Brandon | April 09, 2008 at 03:17 PM
Katie.. Absolutely positively not.. You are in no way crazy. You miss your father so terribly and he's just comforting you and letting you know he's ok and you too will be ok.. Our dearly departed loved ones are always around us and jump in when they know we truly need them. He's all around you and will always be with you. Don't be afraid.. Tell him you love him.. :) Hugs,
Posted by: Lisa M | April 10, 2008 at 06:30 AM
No, you aren't crazy. When my dad died my mom said the closet door used to open up and someone used to call at around the same time every morning - 5 am but no one was there. Then I was born around that time. Lots of other things too that give me chills..
Glad you did well at your sale!
Posted by: Davean | April 11, 2008 at 01:53 PM